Religion, Class & Nationality

“The sort of families who are involved in Guiding and have the money to do it are Christian anyway, and those families with no money and on benefits don’t give a shit about Guiding anyway!”

“We need to stop pandering to people with other religions, they need to show respect for our religion and culture. They need to learn to live here, or go back home. And Guiding is such an English thing, why would they be interested anyway?”

These are the views of my Unit Leader, who is well known in our area for her strong opinions and rather blunt phrasing. Most of us have learnt just to shrug our shoulders and let her get on with it, but I’ve noticed that this is actually a more common attitude amongst Leaders than I originally thought.

You see, it all seems to centre on the idea that religion is based upon class and nationality. It isn’t.

M tried to argue that only the well off can afford to give up their Sunday for church, and do so for social status rather than a love of God. This may happen in some areas, but I would argue that this is not the core group of Christians. In all the churches I have been part of, the congregations have been full of vibrant, enthusiastic individuals searching for fellowship and support in their journey with God.

God has never been picky about wealth. After all, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God (something so important and fundamental to teaching that it is reported in the gospel according to Luke, Matthew and Mark. Three times!). Those with wealth are often too focused on their Earthly goods, and not on the riches of heaven (and so are many of us less rich people too, I must admit!). And is Christianity really about attendance at church, or is it about leading life as a follower of Christ, with your Lord at the centre?

Are all atheists living in abject poverty, as M suggested? I doubt Richard Dawkins is that badly off, though my lovely teacher friend would probably agree that she could do with a little more money! And what about those who follow Islam, Hinduism, Sikhism, Buddhism or Judaism?

Spiritual belief is a personal journey. Some religions, due to the values that they practice and develop, will lead their followers to certain jobs or to do those jobs in certain ways. Those that think outside the self are more inclined to vocational work, for example. But vocational professions are not necessarily well paid, nor badly paid – it depends entirely on which is being discussed.

An interesting survey in 2009 found that, in fact, the majority of theists came from “lower socio-economic grades” whereas the majority of atheists were from wealthier backgrounds. I am dubious to accept this without looking at the raw data, but find it interesting that the opposite of the national stereotype appears to be true.

As for nationality and religion being intrinsically linked, exposure to a religion in culture does affect one’s beliefs, but this is not the sole cause of spiritual belief, nor is it right to assume that all people of non-Christian belief come from other countries.

A survey by Faith Matters, for example, estimates that approximately 5000 people in Britain convert to Islam each year and the 2011 census records 1.2 million muslims born in the UK. The new British Sikh report shows that 50% of Sikhs in Britain consider themselves to be “British Sikhs” and a further 15.6% and 2% to be English and Scottish Sikhs respectively.

Interestingly, the religion that has had the biggest “boost” due to migration is Christianity, rather than any of the others, and the least “ethnically diverse” group was those who answered “no religion” in the census!

Of course, there is a third issue in M’s quote, which (knowing the demographic of those reading) probably doesn’t need addressing, but I will for the sake of clarity.

Girlguiding welcomes girls and young women from all backgrounds. Not just all religions, but regardless of financial circumstances. Despite what some Leaders will tell you, Guiding wear is not a requirement for membership and we would rather have girls in our units than put off by an expense. Despite what some Leaders will tell you, if there are difficult circumstances, we have access to grants both within the organisation and in the local community. Guiding is not about money, it’s about access to new experiences and opportunities and the development of the individual.

I’ve heard several Leaders threatening to quit and close their units whilst spouting this sort of hatred. As much as I would hate to see girls lose out as a result of this, and despise seeing units close, I think that the Leaders in question DO need to re-assess what Girlguiding is, what it means to them and whether they really are capable of delivering the sort of equality and development that has always been expected of them.

Promise For All: Real World Reactions

I love working with young people and both the challenges and rewards that it provides me. Wednesdays are exhausting for me, with a full day of teaching, then staff meetings, then I have Rangers. But I've never been so grateful for this contact as today, when I got the chance to hear what young people are really saying about our new Promise.

This morning, I pinned my Promise badge on the collar of my shirt. Usually, I don't even wear it for Thinking Day (unless in a school I know well), so it was an unusual occurrence. Most of the adults in my office didn't recognise the badge at all, though one or two asked about it.

It was coming back to the language base at break time that I had my first run-in with pupils who knew the trefoil and wanted to talk, and from that point onwards, I heard opinions and conversations throughout the school and at Rangers. There are so many little snippets and quotes and stories, that it doesn't make sense to try and put them into a piece, but I just wanted to keep all here as a record of some of the things being said.

"Oh look! Miss is a Guide!" one pupil spotted. "Have you all seen the news today about the Promise? They've finally changed the God bit and mum says I can join now if I want to!"

Another pupil was talking about her experience. "Mum and dad didn't like the fact I'd be singled out, replacing my God with Allah. This would mean I could make the same Promise as everyone else. We did think about Scouts at one point, but they want me in a single-sex environment."

"I didn't mind the word God, but I just said it because everyone else was. I guess this is a wording I can actually mean," another pupil said.

A teacher commented, "I really wanted to become a Leader, but the Promise always seemed too Christian, too loaded. I wasn't comfortable making it and I wasn't comfortable helping girls with it. The new one might work, but depends on training given to current Leaders. I'd definitely consider volunteering now."

"I hated the God bit as a kid," another teacher told the office. "It was like promising to obey the tooth fairy as far as I was concerned. This is a promise that really grows with the individual."

"I like the fact that Guides are in the news all the time," a boy told me. "They seem really cool and do far more exciting and important things than the Scouts. The only thing we see about Scouts is Kate... so what? You guys talk about feminism and beliefs and chucking food away at arenas. You're trying to make a difference and letting everyone know it!" (Not a Scout vs Guide debate - I'm a member of BOTH - but am recording the conversations and it shows the kudos owed to our press team!)

"I thought Guides was a bit old-fashioned, but I've seen them doing things recently and now this... maybe I should give it a go!" 

"I was once a Brownie and then a Guide," a thirteen year old girl told me. "But my Leaders kept telling me that I had to go to church parade, that I needed to be a Christian and that they would let me be in the unit because I wasn't old enough to make my own decisions, but they needed to show me about church and singing graces and things. Mum and Dad made me leave."

As soon as I got to Rangers, the girls ran to me to tell me the news. They were so excited, but hadn't heard the exact wording of the new Promise.

"I do love my God, though we have rocky patches. But this means that I'm part of the journey, and that my friends can follow theirs too. It's important that we're open to everyone," one of my Christian girls commented.

An atheist girl says, "It's about time, really. I've said the Promise because it's just words. But this means I can commit to Guiding and the things I believe in - respect, helping others, kindness - without having to put in what is, for me, complete nonsense."

"I'm so proud of Girlguiding," a younger girl enthused. "I honestly thought they'd ignore us and what we said, that it was just a bit of a PR stunt, that they'd be too afraid of upsetting the older generation. But they've actually listened."

"I'm so glad I was part of this!"

"Oh, wow! Those are all the best options! They've really thought about what matters to people!"

Every single thing I've heard in the real world today has been positive, exciting and enthusiastic. Online has been different, as was M's reaction last night, but I think looking at the real-world reactions of the young members that this affects is really important!

100 Years of Tradition

In all the various responses to Girlguiding’s new Promise, there is one question that has stuck out. One question that I truly believe needs to be answered now, by everyone who believes in the organisation and what we do. One question that is being whispered by people both within and outside Girlguiding, on various sites and media outlets.

How can you abandon 100 years of tradition?

Funnily enough, that wasn’t the one question I intended to write about, but it is the one that feels most prolific and important right now. It’s the one that’s burning inside me, that I am desperate to answer on Twitter but haven’t the expertise or eloquence to answer in 140 characters.

Tradition is a beautiful thing. It’s embracing the wonderful, varied and rich heritage that we have. Tradition comes in the form of the Promise, the laws, various activities that we do, but traditions do evolve and change over time. We look back  to our traditions, but we embrace what works for us as an organisation. Tradition is important, but so is relevance.

But is the wording of the Promise the tradition, or is the act of a Promise and the beliefs it represents the important tradition? Personally, I would say the latter, but I can understand the nostalgic value of past wording.

The truth of the matter, however, is that we are not abandoning 100 years of tradition, but rather making that tradition more explicit. For the last twenty years, Girlguiding has been desperately trying to explain that “love my God” means to develop your beliefs, whatever those beliefs may be. Now, we’re actually saying what we mean, rather than alluding to it through religiously-loaded language. This is not pandering to minorities, it’s not being overly-PC, it’s simply changing the wording to what they meant in the first place.

Of course, to some, the removal of God from the Promise makes us no different to any other youth group. I beg to differ. We still promise to explore our beliefs, we promise to serve our community and help other people. The essence of our Promise is still to look outside ourselves and find value in the world around us, and to give back. That is not the aim of most other youth groups. We still strive to develop our girls and young women give them leadership opportunities, let them speak out for their respective causes. That is also not the aim of most other youth groups.

We are not abandoning 100 years of tradition, we are preserving it.

My Beliefs, my God, my Promise

I am proud to be a member of Girlguiding. I start a lot of blog posts that way, but it doesn’t make it any less true. I am proud to be a member of a worldwide family that is committed to the betterment of self and society, a family that shares common values and beliefs whilst embracing and celebrating its differences. I am proud to be part of a member organisation of WAGGGS that offers opportunities for young people as participants up to the age of 26, puts them in the driving seat and champions their voice. I am proud to be a member of an organisation that puts its members first and adapts to their needs whilst retaining its core principles.

But today, my pride is wavering...

Growing up, I was forced to go to church. I didn’t know what I believed in, whether I really believed in God or whether He was just another mythical figure like Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. Like many little girls, I made my Promise as a Brownie because that’s what you did as a Brownie... plus my Brown Owl never gave me much of a choice!

By the time I became a Guide, it was no longer “duty to God” but “love my God”, a concept that I found much more difficult to cope with. For me, a duty was easy; it involved polishing the brass in church, turning up at parade and saying grace on pack holiday. To love God was more personal, and a relationship that I didn’t understand with an entity I was only starting to believe as real.

As a member of Senior Section, I was more comfortable with who my God was, but still didn’t understand the concept of loving Him. I made the Promise in the spirit of commitment; I would try to love my God as best as I could, but I never knew if my beliefs were really my own or what had been forced on me as a child.

It was when I went to university and the things that followed that really changed the dynamic of my relationship with God, my beliefs and my spiritual journey. It was only when I made my Promise as a Leader that I truly meant what I was saying and understood it fully in how it related to me.

Maybe this all says more about how Leaders are discussing the Promise with their girls than the wording of the Promise itself. I mean, if I had understood that “to love my God” was equivalent to exploring spiritual beliefs then perhaps it would have been easier. Or maybe it would have made me bristle about the wording.

As an adult, I love the fact that I have friends from all sorts of backgrounds. From Guides and Scouts in France, Finland, Hong Kong and even Australia, to people from different religious backgrounds. But what upset me was when I found that friends of mine who were excellent Leaders, in areas that were short of volunteers, were told they either had to lie or leave, because there was no place in Girlguiding for atheist leaders.

It had always made me wonder. As a teacher, my own religious beliefs don’t matter when I teach RE, nor my sexual orientation matter when teaching about sex and healthy relationships. As long as I make a commitment to talk about these issues and explore them in an appropriate way that helps the young people achieve their full potential, and I provide balanced reasoning and evidence, my own beliefs are not part of that. So how is Guiding different?

Today it was confirmed that it’s not. Today, Girlguiding officially announced the rewording of the Promise. Instead of the connotation of “my God” as exploration of personal beliefs, it is explicitly stated in the new wording. Seven year old me wouldn’t have to blindly make a Promise she didn’t understand, but make one that accepts her lack of knowledge.

This new Promise is relevant to both the girls and leaders of today. It encompasses all the core values of the World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts, and allows us to share a truly common standard with our sisters in Guiding, as alterations to the text are no longer necessary.

I have been completely and utterly shocked by some of the reactions to this news today. I am aware that change isn’t easy, and that this rewording seems (to some people) to completely change the Promise that people have made for generations. Despite the ten previous amendments to the Promise, this somehow seems the most drastic.

To see criticism and mindless comments from the general public, though upsetting, is understandable in many ways. And with some media outlets, we are never going to win. But when the vitriol comes from within (and I mean the hateful, insular comments, not just disagreement and disappointment), I start to wonder what has happened.

Speaking as a Christian, I wonder where this hatred comes from. The new Promise speaks of journeys and development, of the ever-growing and changing relationship that I (and my brothers and sisters) should have with Christ and with my father God. It is a perfect fit for what we learn as followers. And it encourages those of other faiths, those who are undecided and those who have none to explore and discover, a commitment that could potentially sow the seeds for the Holy Spirit to grow. Should we not encourage this? After all, we are told throughout the Bible that the joy of love is free will and our choice to love / worship. If adherence to God’s will and “love” for Him is prescribed without choice, discovery and growth, does it mean anything?

I also wonder how saying that those of other faiths and cultures don’t belong in Britain, that people should just go away, that there is no place for atheists in society would sit with Jesus and the apostles. I distinctly remember the story of the good Samaritan, the gospel of Matthew telling us to shine our light for all to see (and to lead our lives by way of example) and the passage of 1 Peter 3 that reminds us always to speak with kindness in our hearts, particularly when discussing matters of faith. It seems that in anger, this calling to love and kindness has been forgotten.

I know that I am not perfect, but I also want people to be aware that this vocal group are by no means representative of all Christians in Guiding. Debate is healthy and a wonderful thing, but it is also important to retain perspective and remember that we are talking about human beings with feelings!

You see, my pride in Girlguiding is not wavering as a result of the change, but as a result of people’s attitudes and reactionary statements to it. Because Girlguiding is not (and never has been) just a brand or a group of people in a pretty London building, but a family of thousands. My pride in Girlguiding is wavering because my pride in its members is wavering. Not all of them, not by a long shot, but just enough to shake my belief.

Leadership

Over the last few days on Twitter, Girlguiding's official account (@Girlguiding) has been asking people to define what makes a great leader, and even to sum it up in three words.

It got me thinking about leadership and the different types of leader out there. For a start, there are politicians, teachers, business leaders, church leaders, leaders in Guiding and Scouting, supervisors and managers, heads of state, directors... the list goes on.

And in each situation, the qualities needed for effective leadership differ, as indeed they should. In fact, as a mentor and Young Leader Co-Ordinator, one of the things I stress to my mentees is that they shouldn't follow a template to become a "good leader", but rather play to their own strengths and become a valuable part of their leadership team. In one activity in the Young Leader Qualification, the girls are asked to observe other leaders and pick things that they like, things that they don't think would suit them and identify leadership styles they would like to try.

You see, just as every individual is different, so is every leader. Our personalities, skills and past experiences all contribute to how we act, react and work with our groups. Whether that be comfort in a supporting role, or a hyper-awareness of risks and danger, we all bring baggage and a lot of that can be turned to our advantage.

But in thinking of all the different leadership roles and the different approaches to leadership, is there anything in common? My gut reaction was that they were too distantly removed from each other, but yet they all involve taking responsibility and surely there are other common requirements too.

After looking carefully at the list, there was one thing that was necessary in all lines, whatever style of leadership or approach you take. And it just so happens that it's something Girlguiding puts a lot of emphasis on. The common quality is understanding the needs of those that you lead.

Whether you're a politician understanding your constituents' concerns, a teacher understanding the attainment and progress of your pupils or a business director understanding the strengths of your employees, that understanding underpins everything that you do as a leader.

It's the same in Guiding. We look at the girls and young women in our groups, look at their needs and also what they want to do. We learn to understand them, their personalities, what works for them and how they operate. We adapt our style of leadership to suit their needs, but it's all done with them in mind.

Even our Promise, the common standard to which we all commit (or work towards), is based on this key principle. It teaches us to think outside ourselves, to think about the world around us and the people around us. Right from the moment our girls start Rainbows, we are teaching them the fundamental principle of leadership; to understand others.

As they grow and develop, so does their leadership potential through the programme we offer. The girl-only space encourages exploration and self-confidence, reviewing their own progress for their yearly challenge badges in Guides, as well as the self-discipline and planning (and presentations!) required for the Baden Powell Challenge. Brownies can be sixers, Guides can be Rainbow or Brownie helpers or patrol leaders. Senior Section members have hundreds of different leadership options open to them, each age group having a few more doors opened to them, a few more skills that can be honed.

Today, I met one of my Guides in staff briefing. When I say "one of my Guides", she was one of the younger girls when I was a Young Leader. She's now a teacher. And although she is still quite hesitant and has her own brand of leadership, she told me that it's the skills she learnt back then that helped her develop her sense of self within the classroom, and that self-confidence and smaller chances to lead that led her into teaching.

It's easy to overgeneralise when speaking about leadership. To assume that a good leader needs to follow a certain recipe, but as long as we put those we are leading at the centre of our efforts, then we won't stray too far from the path.

A Rant About "Progress"

This one might surprise a few people. Because I'm not usually the type to swear a lot. I'm also not the type to share this amount of information (edit: Looking back at this line is quite funny, given what I'm currently sharing with you!). But I'm angry. I'm FURIOUS and I think it's high time someone actually said something.

It's interesting for me to be writing this one, especially when I made such a big deal in my last post about not wanting to be defined by my past. I never wanted this to be a topical blog, just a little storage box for those various rants and thoughts.

But this...

As I have posted before, it was my Unit Leader at Guides who pushed me to seek counselling. I have a lot of time for my various guiding sisters (and brothers - men can be members too!) and I am (generally) grateful for everything Z has done for me. But there's a large part of me that knows she is as destructive as she is helpful.

She sent me to Nottingham Rape Crisis centre in the firm belief that counselling should only take a few weeks. Six to twelve weeks tops. When my counsellor went on maternity leave six months later and we decided to take a break and resume in September, Z was confused and worried, but she said it was okay for me to miss Guides (the new appointment time clashed with our meeting), because it wouldn't be for long.

Well, it's now May and my counsellor and I have an end date (yay!). This will be end of August / beginning of September. I was talking to Z about this and she was horrified.

This is where it gets... Interesting.

First of all, she told me that I've been in counselling far too long, that I'm obviously "pissing about" and wasting everyone's time. I'm useless and pathetic and need to get a grip. She's never heard of anyone taking so long and it's "ridiculous".

I tried to explain that it's more complicated than that, that there's not only the normal relationship to build, but you have to learn to access your memories and emotions without them overwhelming you and constantly giving you flashbacks and panic attacks.

Why the hell am I having panic attacks, was her reaction. This was eight years ago and I need to grow up. It's no wonder I'm having problems when I have zero maturity. She's fed up of constantly having to look over her shoulder to see if I'm okay and was horrified at Guides on Tuesday when I was "on another planet" whilst in the kitchen washing up (and nowhere near the girls).

I shrugged and told her that there were a few reasons I attended Guides after counselling. There's a sense of normalcy, the fact that the girls at least know I'm there (even if I'm out the way and not interacting) and, most importantly, I'm not going to let HIM stop me doing the things I love.

I hope you're all sitting down for this one...

What gives me the right to say things like that? That's my whole, entire problem in a nutshell, according to Z. I refuse to take responsibility for anything. Firstly, it was my fault that this all happened. It was avoidable and I must have done something to encourage him. It's my fault that I miscarried, given that I was drinking heavily and not really eating and self-harming, and even if it wasn't my fault medically, I should be grateful that I didn't have to cope with it. And, as for letting him stop me doing the things I love, well that's ridiculous and the only person stopping me is me and always has been. If I don't learn these things, I will never get on in life, I have no chance and she can't believe that I've not had this drilled in yet.

I also, apparently, need to stop ANY and ALL work I'm doing on stopping violence, delivering trainings or other forms of advocacy. Why? Because I'm sending out the wrong message. I'm not telling women to "protect themselves", I'm teaching them that it's NOT their fault and that is the wrong message to send. I'm taking on too much and compounding my own problems of disillusion and creating new ones to boot.

I listened to all this and couldn't say anything. My tongue wouldn't work, I just couldn't get the words out. The thing is, this is the internal battle that I face every day of my life. Thankfully, the voice that airs these opinions is a lot smaller than it was. Once, it was the dominant personality, now it's just a niggling doubt. But hearing someone else vocalise all this and actually meaning it is infuriating. Because it feeds that self-doubt inside me. Maybe it is my fault and maybe she's got a point. But it also fuels the fight, because NO-ONE has the right to comment on my experience that.

I'm not working through this as quickly as some people do, I know that. But I'm not some people, I'm me. Everyone reacts differently, everyone needs different support and there's no such thing as normal. And the sooner people stop trying to compare me to their expectations of "recovery", the sooner I can focus on the reality of my journey.

Edit: Looking back on this post, I used unnecessary bad language. I could have removed the entire post, but feel that the attitude of others towards recovery, as well as my own strong (and changed) reaction to this, needs to be shared. As a result, I have compromised and removed some of the more offensive language.

Neither Victim Nor Survivor

One of the hardest things when I go to my sessions each week is the language used to describe me. I wrote at length about this in March, in a post titled "The Pen Is Mightier..." and how the wrong words can destroy us. I wrote about terms like "courageous", "brave" and "feminist" and how uncomfortable and loaded they seem to be, and how they chip away my self-worth rather than building it.

But this post - which I have been sitting on a little bit - is more specific and deals with two bits of language in particular, both of which feel unrelatable and wrong. These words are "victim" and "survivor".

I don't think I have to argue the case against "victim", a word that has long been avoided and replaced by different groups working with those who have experienced sexual assault and other gender-based violence. Because these groups and the counselling process are supposed to facilitate a journey of empowerment, giving control back when it has been ripped away. "Victim" is loaded with connotations of being passive, helpless, unable to change one's own situation.

But my reasons for hating the word go further. Because those people who think of me as a "victim" are the ones who look at me with pity, with sympathy, with horror and disgust. You can read it all in their faces. When I arrive at the women's centre on a Tuesday night and I have to tell someone that I'm "going upstairs", I see it every time. I never say that I'm going to the Rape Crisis Centre. I don't need to. Everyone knows what "upstairs" means. It's horrific to see my own pain reflected back at me like that, and frustrating when they start molly-coddling because of something I had no chance to control.

And that's the other reason I hate the word "victim". Because as easy as it is to say that I had no chance to control it, there's still a level of self-blame that makes the idea of being helpless unfathomable. How can you be a "victim" if you still believe it's your own fault somewhere inside?

But "survivor", despite what people think, is just as bad. Because surviving is powerful. Surviving takes strength, courage and determination, all ideals which seem so alien. And surviving isn't me. And despite all the positive connotations of "survivor", it still has that eternal implication of sorrow and trauma, even if it has been or is being overcome. 

I don't want to be a survivor, I want to be me.

This, really, is the heart of the problem. Because whether you label someone a "victim" or a "survivor", you are reducing them to that single event and defining them by it. You are defining me by it. 

I already feel defined enough by what happened, trapped by it and the most ridiculous parts of my life forever shaped and tainted by the experience. I don't need your reminder too. There's no point pretending that rape hasn't changed my life in many ways, but my ability to move on from it is going to be limited the longer that others define me by it, whether in the context of "victim" or "survivor".

I dislike writing in the first person like this, but people need to stop thinking that blanket definitions work. They really don't. And it would be hypocritical and wrong of me to generalise about how other people feel about "victim" and "survivor". One of the things about this experience is that we all react differently, according to our own personal experiences, histories and personalities. Just as there is no right or wrong way to respond to violence, there's no right or wrong in the way we respond to the language.

So the natural conclusion would be to find an alternative word to use, something that works contextually without the connotations of "victim" or "survivor", but all I can offer is the phrase that my counsellor and I seem to have settled on; "someone who has experienced....". It is not loaded, there are no suppositions about my ability to cope, but then it involves facing the exact and painful words each and every time. 

Maybe what they say is true. There are no correct labels, only people.