Care Versus Control

It's another exciting day for Girlguiding, as the nation's largest charity for girls and young women launches another campaign to get the voice of its membership heard.

"Care Versus Control" is a new report that uses Girlguiding's "Girls' Attitudes Survey" data to show how young women view coercion, abuse and healthy relationships. It forms part of our work on the World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts (WAGGGS) Stop The Violence campaign, and also highlights the importance of peer education in discussing issues of relationships and abuse with young people.

Some of the statistics are shocking:

• Only 23% of girls aged 11-17 fully understood what an abusive relationship was
• Only 18% of girls mentioned psychological or emotional pressures when asked about abuse
• 12% of girls thought that telling you who you can and can't spend time with is ok
• 21% said that telling you what you can and can't wear is acceptable
• 21% said that calling you names could be ok
• 22% thought that checking up on you and reading your phone was acceptable
• 39% said that making you tell your partner where you are all the time is fine

Presumably, by reversing the presented statistics:

• 4% think that kicking, biting or hitting a girl for talking to someone else at a party is ok
• 5% think that it is sometimes ok to threaten a girl with violence for spending time with friends
• 6% think it can be acceptable to threaten a girl into having sex in certain circumstances

The "Care Versus Control" report lays out what many of us youth professionals have known for a long time, and what Christine Barter (who conducts the NSPCC research on behalf of the University of Bristol) has also reported; young people want peer educators, not teachers or trained professionals.

In Girlguiding, we are lucky to have an established Peer Education system, with fantastic and fully trained young women aged 14-26 who offer sessions on various sensitive topics. I often find that this resource is underused, particularly in my area. It's an example I often point to when working with teachers; training older pupils to be mentors and session leaders will have multiple benefits.

Firstly, it allows the young people involved in discussion to open up in a way that they can't always do with their "regular" adult. Certain phrases, types of language and attitudes are often seen as unacceptable in a normal meeting or classroom environment. If we want our young people to be comfortable and open in discussion, they also need to be comfortable and open in the language they can use to facilitate that, and be free from judgement in that. Outside providers also free them fro lasting embarrassment with a face they have to see each week, as well as providing the trained "mentors" with valuable leadership and transferable skills.

Understandably, and quite rightly, the "Care Versus Control" report has sparked debate on Twitter, asking questions such as "how can we help girls to recognise abusive relationships?" 

One lady, who shall be called HH, replied "Ensure your own relationships are healthy and lead by example". I wasn't sure I agreed with this statement. In fact, I positively bristled at it, and it took me a little while to work out and articulate why.

As you may know, I'm a huge advocate for leading by example. I find that in my teaching and in my Guiding, I make it my personal motto never to ask my young people to do anything that I wouldn't be comfortable doing myself. I will offer them the chance, of course (I might not feel comfortable doing zip wire, but they still have the opportunity!), but a girl who is struggling with fear will never be forced into it.

So given my own love of this philosophy, and my pedagogical knowledge of the power of modelling, why is it that the "lead by example" response in this case caused so much discord?

Those without experience of abusive relationships often find it difficult to understand the pressures and the attachment that are part of them. It takes a lot of courage to recognise that your own relationship is unhealthy, because it's so easy to try and explain problems away as a rough patch, or something that will get better, or even something that he does because he loves you. And it takes even more strength to walk away from it. Sometimes, that's because you're in love and can't imagine life without them, sometimes it's fear of the consequences, sometimes it's more practical matters like wondering where you're going to live.

When I was younger, a male friend of mine decided he wanted to date me. He put a lot of pressure on me until I finally agreed (knowing I could break it off, because I was moving cities in a few weeks). He pressured me into things I didn't want to do, stopped me seeing certain friends, even sat in the back of my car as I drove an ex-girlfriend from Luton to Sheffield at 2am because he was insanely jealous and didn't trust me. He then asked my parents' permission to marry me, and they announced it locally without even asking. They offered me £50,000 to keep my mouth shut and go through with the wedding. Despite everything that man did to me, the knowledge that I would be financially secure was an incredibly tempting offer.

I knew that relationship was unhealthy, but I wasn't sure where to turn or how to get out of it. 

Women's Aid tell us that when we support other women, we should ensure we listen to their stories and we acknowledge their difficult, traumatic and frightening situation. We also ensure we tell them that no-one deserves to suffer abuse. But we must never tell them to leave the relationship, in case they aren't ready to take that step and in case it's removing another element of control in their lives.

You see, when you survive any sort of abuse, it becomes a matter of regaining control. What that control is, is specific to each individual. But by telling a woman to "ensure" her relationships are healthy, we are judging her relationships, telling her to leave those that are abusive and removing that element of control.

It is also a fine line between a statement that tells the woman to "ensure healthy relationships" and victim blaming. If it is the woman who has the responsibility to make sure her relationships are healthy, there is a subtext that women suffering abuse are to blame for not taking that responsibility. This is simply not true; it is always the fault of the abuser.

I can see where HH was coming from in her advice for other leaders. I can understand how leaders with healthy relationships can help facilitate discussion for others. But in some ways, isn't this somewhat like atheist leaders discussing faith with their girls? It may not be something that comes naturally, and may even be uncomfortable for some, but just because it is not an experience that you are living first hand, doesn't mean that you are in an unsuitable position to be facilitating exploration for others.

Of course, many leaders don't wish to share the personal details of their relationships with their units anyway. Some of my older Senior Section members were aware that I was dating a Guide leader from Leeds last year, but not all of them and certainly not my Guides. None of my girls are aware of my current dating situation and that's the way I like it. I certainly don't want to be "modelling" to my units using my personal life!

"Care Versus Control" is an incredibly important compilation of research, and shows the extent to which the current education system is failing our young people in terms of real-world education. However, the debates coming from this report and Girlguiding's tweets on Twitter also show how badly we need to educate our adults about the difference between empowering women, facilitating discussion and laying responsibility on the wrong parties.

You can read the full "Care Versus Control" report here

Being True To Myself

I fell in love with the new Promise for Girlguiding the minute that I heard (or rather, read) it. Personal, inclusive, it was everything that I had hoped for; a commitment that both my friends and I could make on equal footing.

Except I haven't yet.

It may seem odd to some that such a vocal supporter of the new wording has yet to renew her Promise, but the simple fact is that I'm not sure I'm ready.

I fully intended to renew on Cardiff Bay at midnight, the moment it came into effect. It would have combined my Showmasters family with my Guiding family, at a significant place and time. It would have been quite perfect. But my friends were drunk and I was unwell, so it fell through.

The next plan was to sit with my counsellor and renew it in session, because some of the wording rang true with our journey and our discussions. And it just so happened that she started to talk about being true to oneself, making me smile and we talked about what it meant to each of us.

So far in Guiding, I've heard people talk about being true to oneself as being about integrity and standing up for one's beliefs, but to me it's more than that. It's so much more personal, and somehow harder than promising to love my God (though, really, the latter does encompass the former).

Being true to myself involves knowledge of who I am, it means understanding myself as a person. Not just in terms of my moral compass and my framework for life, or my spiritual life, but it means understanding my emotions, my feelings, caring for and connecting with myself.

It's something that I have struggled with a lot throughout my journey with D. I much prefer to bury emotional responses, to assign a logical reason for everything, and I have to constantly remind myself that it's okay not to be perfect, and it's fine to feel. I'm at a place now where I do challenge myself about how I feel, I am more aware of what I want, what I fear and it's all part of building and maintaining a relationship with myself.

Those relationships are so important for our young members to develop, given that it's something that society almost encourages us to bury. Constant reminders to "grow up", "stop being a baby" or "grow a pair" constrain us and hinder our journey with ourselves.

It's the aspect of the Promise that is (and will probably remain) the most poignant for me, and I desperately want to be able to make it. But after sitting for an hour, struggling to vocalise my current predicament, trying to be "strong" and "independent", I realised that it's not a commitment I was quite ready to make at that point, that I would feel hypocritical promising to be true to myself when I was doing everything in my power not to be.

But, of course, that's where the other essential part of our Promise comes into effect. Because I'm not meant to be perfect, I'm not meant to be superwoman. I am just me - a girl with a lot of baggage - and our Promise reflects that too. Because I'm not promising to "be true to myself" at all, I'm promising "to do my best to be true to myself", and that is a very different thing indeed.

Despite the arguments I've heard, it makes perfect sense that being true to oneself exists within the framework of the Promise and Law. We put so much emphasis on looking outward in Guiding - we develop our beliefs, serve our community and help others - but we have to remember to care for and retain a sense of self throughout that. Without understanding our needs, our desires, our feelings and our own sense of right and wrong, we can't go out into the world and make the change that we want to see.

I hope that in the coming weeks, I will feel able to renew my Promise. I hope that I will find the right place, time, context and that I will be comfortable making that commitment to continue that relationship with myself as well as with my God.

Unblurring the Lines

Once again, I find myself proud to be a part of Girlguiding, as we have just undersigned the Telegraph's campaign for better sex education in schools as part of the national curriculum. I agree, as I have stated in support of Campaign For Consent, that better sex and relationship education in this country. But a conversation that came out of this discussion had me worried.

It was suggested that the issues of consent, sexual assault and rape should be addressed as sex education, under that banner. Although enthusiastic consent can be partly discussed in terms of healthy relationships, I don't feel comfortable with this overarching banner.

Why not? Because it seems to fit, doesn't it?

Well, yes. And that is part of the problem that needs to be addressed. Our society currently has such a phenomenal misunderstanding of what rape, sexual assault and consent are, that it is not just a part of "sex education". 

We need to show that sexual assault and rape do not equate to sex in any way. Penetration does not equal intercourse. The blurred lines between sexual encounters and sexual assault in our society are harmful to those who experience it and to those around them. In a world that classes rape as a sexual act, women who feel they are unattractive cannot fathom that they might have been assaulted, or feel ridiculous for reporting it. In a world that classes rape as a sexual act, it is glorified and revered in the media. And in a world that classes rape as a sexual act, both men and women are reduced to the worst possible stereotypes of their genders. If these beliefs and reactions are prevalent in society, they are perpetuated and reinforced, leading to a seemingly unbreakable chain.

By including rape, sexual violence and consent as part of sex education in schools, rather than as part of the wider PSHCE (personal, social, health and citizenship education) curriculum, we risk reinforcing the notion that violence is a sexual act rather than one of control. We create yet another generation who fail to see the distinction, and we fail in our duty of empowerment.

When I took my Senior Section members to the Nottingham Rape Crisis Centre in July, they thought they were pretty clued up. But even they assumed that a woman could not be raped by her partner, as she had already consented to sex. They assumed that if a woman consented, then changed her mind, the man had every right to continue, as she had agreed to sex initially. These are the effects of the blurred lines caused by classing rape as a sexual act rather than one of power and control.

It is important that young people are aware of consent within relationships and, with that in mind, it should be discussed as part of healthy relationship education, but much better that than reducing a serious, violent crime to "sex" once again.

How to Spot a Guide

Back in 2010, not long after rejoining Girlguiding, we celebrated "Vision". Vision was our centenary finale, celebrating 100 years of the UK's largest charity for girls and young women, and ringing in the next hundred! In Nottingham, Vision was a wonderful event with several thousand members in the city centre. My Brownies rode in on an old London Routemaster, decorated in centenary coloured ribbons and bows - they felt like princesses on a parade!

The following day, I was teaching in a local primary school, a lovely CoE school in the village down the road. I had always noticed certain characters in the school, that they had a certain quiet self-assurance about them and a gift for group work that was particularly impressive amongst the younger ones who often struggle to share and work together. That day, the headteacher had a very special theme for the assembly; he asked that everyone who had their special item in their pockets stand up and put them on. Suddenly, these girls who I had seen as emotionally developed beyond their years all stood up. And the items they put on were their pink neckerchiefs from Vision the night before.

It was this assembly that started me thinking about Girlguiding and the many benefits that we offer young people. Because as much as it's seen to be about the activities (whether they be adventurous ones or more service based), there is something running deeper than that.

In a secondary school I taught at not long after, I had a similar experience. I was teaching music and each group had to put together a composition. They had their task and success criteria, but were largely left to their own development. Those groups with Guides in them had the organisational skills to break the task down, to assign roles, and the confidence to assert themselves as well as support others in their group who were more nervous.

Similarly, this last summer, my new GCSE German group had two young ladies who I instantly recognised to be Senior Section members, before they even told me. How could this be possible?

It's because, right from the start, we use our five essentials. A varied and balanced programme is just one of the five, and it is important to give our girls challenge, variation and opportunity. But we look after each member as an individual to build their self-esteem. It is often thought by education professionals and behavioural psychologists that children with higher self-esteem and stronger support networks tend to thrive at school, that they are calmer, more thoughtful and engage more consistently with their work. We teach them to work in small groups, both as leaders and as team members. Sometimes this involves team games, sometimes it involves problem solving and sometimes, as with my Rangers, it involves them each planning an evening for the other girls. And we also ask our members to govern themselves as much as they can, as early as they can. It may mean choosing their favourite activity, or a sixer that takes a register each meeting, or it could be a Senior Section member taking some responsibility for the unit budget. But they are making the decisions, they are leading, they are learning to look after others as well as themselves.

Girlguiding has a holistic approach to child development - teaching about relevant issues in a non-formal environment, offering new activities as well as encouraging transferable skills. And part of this holistic approach, of course, is our fifth essential, the framework for our organisation - our Promise. We show girls that their beliefs and their own world views are important, that to look out and understand and help the world, they need to look in and understand themselves too. We teach them the importance of community, help them explore morality, honesty, how to overcome challenges, what it really means to try their best.

One of the additional key elements of Girlguiding's ability to develop the girl, in my experience, lies in the simple fact that it's not school. I have worked with Rainbows, Brownies and Guides who have struggled academically for various reasons, but have thrived in Guiding without the pressure and expectations that accompany targets, assessments, constant reminders about spelling and punctuation. I have worked with several of my Brownies and been surprised by the notes left for me by their class teachers and even said, "Did you know that L is really good at this?" And the knowledge that they are valued members of a community, that they have their own strengths and abilities, builds their confidence at school and helps them face their everyday challenges with grace and determination.

And, of course, the girl's unit - whether it be Rainbows, Brownies, Guides or Senior Section - is a safe, girl-only space. So often there is a huge gender-divide in the classroom, one that is often (consciously or not) compounded by the staff in there who reinforce the stereotypes and the thought that boys should be louder, more boisterous, more confident. Girlguiding allows development space away from these stereotypes and pressure. 

If only every girl got that chance.

Guiding Memories

 Welcome to the planet of Blanket, complete with hand-stitched and lined extensions, hand holes and the all-important gravitational field!

Those people who follow me on Twitter will see me talking about my blanket quite a lot, because it's a huge part of me. I honestly believe that camp blankets reflect our lives in more ways than one - they are a physical accumulation of our experiences but also reflect us in our arrangement of our badges and novelties.

Another thing that I love about blankets is that a good blanket has a story before you even sew on the first badge. For my original blanket (the middle section), I got my uncle's old one from when he was a Scout. My grandparents took off his badges and gave it to me when I was ten, something really special because he had not long died at that point. It belonged to someone else in the family before him too. But not everyone's blanket is old, it may be that it was an official Brownie blanket bought as a gift by someone close, or maybe the act of finding the perfect blanket was arduous. Or it could be that you bought the fabric and sewed the entire thing yourself. I know a Guide unit who went on camp and made their own first camp blankets... a good blanket has a story and a connection.

Because a camp blanket, ultimately, is about love and about you. There are no two identical camp blankets on this planet, and rightly so - because no two people are the same. I often think that dating would be much easier if we all wore our blankets on the first date - we could instantly see what we had in common and it's a great discussion starter!

I wanted to show off every badge on my blanket, because every single one has a story. Even the random swaps and things have connections with those people, even the fundraising badge I bought from the lovely Kirsty was an absolute pig to sew on and sort of became a funny blanket addition for that reason alone! However, realistically, no-one is going to read through over four hundred badge pictures and stories, so I've just chosen some of the most special ones to me. Some are from when I was a child, some from my experience as an adult, but these are probably my most treasured items on there.

 This is my service flash from when I was a Guide. We either had to do forty hours of service in the community or regularly for six months (though I may have got those figures wrong). I don't know quite what prompted me to do it, but I'm so glad I did. I spent a year working every Monday evening in the children's section of my local library, shelving books, recovering them, cleaning them, all sorts of things. It was a wonderful experience for a 12 year old!

 Also a Guide badge, this was the arts and crafts emblem. To get an "emblem", you had to do at least five badges from a set themed list. No-one really got emblems in our unit and I fell in love with this one, so I identified all the badges I could do and went through them one by one. I did musician, band, writer and I'd have to look closely at my blanket for the others. I was so proud of this one and still am!

 It's a set of four badges this time, because I couldn't really choose between them. Our unit leader always laughs at me because when pointing out favourite badges, these are almost always the four I gravitate to. These are the Guide interpreter badges, as were. They used to be staged and I worked so hard to get them. I did different stages in different languages (yes, I was a show off even then) and I used to panic at speaking in front of other people, so it was a fight to gain enough confidence to do this! I still remember sitting in the classroom at school with my teacher who said she'd never heard me speak so much French (or German or Dutch!). I did stages three and four a little later, when I was a Young Leader - the beauty of staged badges was that you could start as a Brownie and finish later stages when you were in Senior Section; real skill progression!

 Not a badge this time, but a McDonald's Happy Meal toy! I have two of them sewn on my blanket and they're a little reminder of my days as a Young Leader with Guides. We had a brilliant weekend in London in 2000, staying at BP House and we even went to the Millennium Dome for the day. We ate at McDonalds twice, and so I still have the toys which I've sewn on. I think they're probably the Brownies' favourite thing on the blanket!

Though I was pressured by my district to leave Guiding in 2002, I sort of rejoined in 2004. But not in the "traditional" way. When I moved to Germany, I was determined to immerse myself in the local culture and improve my German by actually making friends and integrating. So instead of joining BGIFC, I joined the Rovers / Rangers of my local DPSG, and this was the badge. I never got a uniform, but wore a grey necker (because I was over 18). It was a really strange experience, coming from UK Guiding!

 Onto adult experiences now (but not like THAT- heads out the gutter!) and this was a thank you badge from the leader of a local Senior Section unit. She had been messed about and was desperate for a second leader for her camp so it didn't fall through. I was terrified, because I hadn't been camping since I came back from Germany in 2005 and the thought of no lockable doors sent me into blind panic. I survived the weekend and, not only that, but the Senior Section unit is now my lovely group that I took over that September!

Again, a little bit of a cheat as I've chosen a section of my blanket (and not all of it is shown on here). These are my badges from Roverway 2012 in Finland. Well, the official contingent badges rather than random swaps. It became my mission to try and get a badge from every contingent and I pretty much did it. The Spanish contingent had multiple badges and I didn't get all of the variations, the Icelandic contingent ran out of badges whilst on paths, so had none left by the time they got to the site, and the Italians were only given a badge for their uniform and were banned from swapping. I came up with a really productive system whilst serving dinner (I was on catering); If they had badges, they left one of theirs and picked up one of mine. That way, I got to see and speak to everyone! I became a little bit badge obsessed, sadly. Finland was also special as it was my first Guiding international, and had me in the middle of some woods for almost two weeks. And not a proper panic attack at all! Was so proud of myself.

This, again, is not actually a badge as such, but it was a special memory and made of fabric, so it got stitched on. In December 2012, I was lucky enough to be one of 25 women attending WAGGGS Europe's Stop The Violence seminar in Belgium. On the last day, we got to visit the European Parliament in Brussels and have a talk from a female MEP about the Istanbul convention and the importance of advocacy in VAWG. It was a great experience, and I wanted to keep this as a reminder.

This summer, I took part in the Soroco Speak Out blog competition. My entry was about violence against women, particularly sexual violence and based on the work I did in Belgium. It was a difficult and personal entry to write and record, and marked a certain step in both my own journey and the advocacy one. Each entrant to the competition was given a set of the Soroco badges, which are immensely special to me. In fact, when asked, I described these as the most important badges I've ever earned.

This last badge also marks something brilliant. My Senior Section unit had been desperate to volunteer at the local women's centre for a long time now, and we finally got to go and repaint the kitchen and one of the counselling rooms upstairs, used by the Nottingham Rape Crisis Centre. Whilst there, they got a talk by the helpline supervisor and also did several Girls In Action activities to complete the badge. I was so proud of their maturity, involvement and passion, and the ladies at the centre feel the same way. I never thought I'd actually have the strength to go in with them and have these discussions, do this work, but I did and - given everything they learnt that day - I know it was a challenge well faced!

Some people say I couldn't possibly remember every badge on there or the story behind it. Admittedly, I don't remember a lot about most of my Brownie or Guide badges. But my camp blanket is a tapestry of me. It's my friends, my journeys, my camps, my interests and hobbies. For me, my blanket isn't restricted to Guiding, but those are often the memories I treasure most.

Nine Worlds

This weekend, I was privileged enough to speak at the Nine Worlds (London Geekfest) convention on behalf of Girlguiding. In many ways, it was an absolute dream come true, and it was as inspiring and thought-provoking as it was exhausting!

I have been a long-time science-fiction fan, having grown up on the staple diet of Star Trek, Seaquest and Quantum Leap before expanding into my own fandoms. I've been attending conventions as a fan for eight years and have been crewing them for about five. I am no stranger to the convention world!

But this was the first time that I was invited down as a speaker, which was both flattering and terrifying. When I saw my name billed as a guest alongside people I admire (Laurie Penny, Paul Cornell, Robert Rankin, Kai Owen, Chris Barrie, Rhianna Pratchett - the list is endless!), it literally reduced me to tears. The sheer impact of what I was doing was phenomenal.

Me with Philippa Hibbs from NMP3

I arrived at the venue on Saturday morning for a panel called "Take Back The Net", which was all about online feminism and using the internet for advocacy. I was speaking alongside Philippa Hibbs from No More Page Three, Robyn Exton (the founder of Dattch) and Lilli Evans who founded the Twitter Youth Feminist Army. The panel itself was both interesting and challenging, not only asking about what our organisations are doing (if any Girlguiding people were playing buzzword bingo in the audience, full house would have been achieved in 30 seconds), but asking what we thought the current landscape looked like, what we thought the important tools were for change and what the future of advocacy is. Wow! 

It was an incredibly supportive and inclusive environment. Although some of us disagreed on certain aspects, we are all wanting change and social justice. I was very relieved when I got a round of applause after speaking about feminism not just being a female issue - I was a little worried my slightly awkward attempt at non-binary gender identity inclusiveness had just offended half the room!

Next was a non-Guiding break - I was lucky enough to get to moderate (host, for non-geeks out there) a panel on feminism in the Whedonverse. It including discussions on whether strong female roles could necessarily be called feminist, consent and rape culture in Dollhouse, the Smurfette principle in Avengers Assemble, recasting of male roles as female in Much Ado About Nothing and much more. I had thought the Take Back The Net panel was packed, with people sat on the floor and spilling out, but Big Damn Heroines had people turned away - it was CRAZY!

Cake is always a winner!

Back to Guiding after Whedon, and I ran a session for children, looking at gender stereotypes. It wasn't very well attended, but the children I had were also interested in advocacy, so while doing our activities we discussed how they could campaign in their schools back home. We looked at professions and gender, with a whole host of science-fiction characters who break traditional gender roles (Roslin as president, River as warrior, Strax as nanny and Rory as nurse, to name a few) and I was encouraged to see young people thinking more about stance and confidence than gender when trying to match roles to people. We did some construction but also cake decorating, played a game about inclusiveness and generally had a lot of fun!

At least the presentation
looked professional!

There was plenty of free time on Sunday to look around and do what I wanted, before going to my final workshop. This time, I was running a workshop on advocacy. Although I used a Girlguiding format (as the more recognisable brand for people), it drew on WAGGGS seminars and methodology. We looked at the three part process of advocacy (speak out, take action, educate) and the WAGGGS eight step methodology for achieving that. We worked on how to engage men in feminist advocacy, the importance of using media and how to create partnerships. I was blown away at the insight of the participants and flattered that people like Lili and Josie, who are working on large-scale advocacy campaigns themselves, came to the session looking for inspiration and advice.

But although those were the formal bits of my presence at Nine Worlds, a lot of the interesting impact happened outside that time. Conversations about Girlguiding and inclusiveness (how many times have I used that word today?), people who thought we were only open to straight, white, Christian girls. Conversations with people who would love to get involved but felt alienated, conversations with people who didn't realise the advocacy work we're doing as an organisation. It really challenged people about how they thought about us, and made a lot of people see that we are normal people behind the uniform!

One wonderful example of this was a chat I had with Philippa from No More Page Three, who admitted that when Girlguiding first signed up to the campaign, she was was worried and dubious. It was when she went and did some real research that she got on board with it, and said that she hopes more people will do the same this weekend, because Girlguiding isn't what people seem to think it is.

I honestly would encourage people to get out there and speak at events. Obviously, it needs running by the relevant commissioners or whoever, but the more we reach out in arenas that aren't traditionally seen as our "domain" and we show what Girlguiding is REALLY about, the more impact we will have.

Thankfully, Nine Worlds want me back next year. As long as the lovely folk at CHQ are alright with that (and probably even if they're not!), I will be there with bells on. In the meantime, I want more opportunities to get out there and talk - bring it on!

Workshops

September 24th will see me running two workshops here in Nottingham. They will both be based upon a combination of Girlguiding and teaching experience, and will be suitable for anyone working with young people of the cited age range, whether youth leaders, teachers or other professionals.

I'm really grateful to the team at Nottingham Women's Centre and at the WEA in Nottingham, whose generousity has meant that I'm able to offer these important workshops free of charge!

Human Rights & Gender Equality (9.30am – 12.00pm) 

A practical workshop for those working with young people aged 7-13 about discussing rights, relationships and gender stereotypes. The session will involve games and activities, as well as evaluation techniques and practical information on how to involve parents and establish safe space.

 Breaking the Taboo (1.30pm – 4.00pm) 

A practical workshop for those working with young people aged 14+ about discussing violence, sexting, consent and healthy relationships. The session will involve activities and discussions, including how to engage boys in gender equality, as well as offer practical information on agencies, resources and how to measure outcomes.


Both of these workshops will take place at the WEA o Mapperley Road in Nottingham and have places for twelve participants.

First Steps

Today has been one of the most amazing and inspirational days of my life, and simultaneously one of the toughest. It's been such a day of revelation for me and one where I've been proud of both myself and the young women I work with.

Radcliffe Rangers consider what makes a good partner

As you probably realise, I've been working to advocate for better support for women and girls who experience gender-based violence, as well as speaking out against the violence and inequality itself. Since the seminar I attended in Belgium in December, I've attended smaller events and begun networking, but not really achieved anything concrete. At times, this has made me feel like a bit of a failure, despite protestations to the contrary. But it's hard to see the difference you're making with the little things.

This summer is where things really pick up. In two weeks, I will be at Nine Worlds in London for their Geek Feminism event. It will be the first time I've ever attended a convention as a guest speaker - both terrifying and very exciting for a self-confessed geek like me. In September, I'm involved in several events supporting the Nottingham Women's Fringe (part of the Nottingham Women's Conference) and will be running another Stop The Violence type event in October.

But today was the start. The first. The day I got to see if I really could make a difference and, more importantly, if I could cope with what I wanted to achieve.

I suppose the question many people wonder is why on Earth wouldn't I be able to cope? The truth is that personal experience both motivates and hinders. It is what fills me with a passion for change, but my own reactions and emotions scare me. I am so afraid of how I'll react that I start to retreat, it takes more effort to take those risks.

Today was my Senior Section unit's opportunity to volunteer at Nottingham Women's Centre. They painted the kitchen and one of the counselling rooms in Nottingham Rape Crisis Centre, as well as doing activities from the Girls In Action: Change The Story badge.

But I added more to that, so that my unit could get the most from their experience. I invited them to ask questions of a woman who had experienced sexual assault, invited them to ask questions of a counsellor at the centre, gave them an agree / disagree exercise like the one we did in Belgium. These may not have been part of the Girls In Action programme but were, as all the Girls In Action activities, explained to and approved by the parents who were thoroughly supportive.

The girls began the day unsure of some issues surrounding VAWG in the UK. They assumed that FGM wasn't an issue due to the lack of convictions and the fact that it's illegal. They thought that a woman couldn't be raped by her husband or partner because the woman had consented in being with them. We soon discussed and challenged that! They said that women were to blame / were putting themselves at risk if they got drunk and were subsequently attacked. They were unsure if equality in a relationship benefited both parties. 

By the end of the day, their views had changed and they were more confident in their attitudes towards violence. The whole aim of the day!

They heard the story of a woman who had been raped. It was a written "testimony" appropriate to their age group. They then wrote questions which they hung on a tree. These questions were taken away and answered by the woman. What the girls didn't realise was that this woman was me. The story was mine, the answers were mine. It is, to me, the most powerful, truthful and impacting thing that I can share with them. It breaks the taboo, gets them thinking, shows the reality of sexual assault, not just what's in the media. I wish I had the confidence to speak to them face to fact, not behind a mask of anonymity, but I'm not sure that it would have helped. I think such a shock may have been emotionally destructive to them. And to me.

After sharing and reading the replies they had received, I gave the Senior Section members a bin to get rid of their pieces of paper. Every single one of them held onto them, slipped them into their bags. One told me that it was personal, that she wanted to keep it, that it was so detailed and honest. It was special.

I had to turn my back so they didn't see the "paint" in my eyes. For them to behave in that way, to treat my story and my honesty as special to them was important. It made me feel valued, and made me feel like I really am making a difference with this.

Leader Nicole adds her question to the tree

The time they spent with the counsellor was also enlightening. They asked a range of questions when exploring the service, from the sorts of backgrounds and ages of the clients, to how they deal with the grey area of client confidentiality and legal issues. The way that Sam dealt with the questions was brilliant, and helped me understand a lot more about the service, even though I've been a user for the last year and a half! 

It was difficult, though. And when the girls left the room to go back to their painting, I stayed behind for a moment and confessed the difficulties that I was having. She was surprised at it - apparently I hide it well - but it did make me aware of the importance of looking after myself. Even my fellow leader, who has no personal experience that I'm aware of, found the experience draining, so is it any wonder that I felt fragile?

Yes, I came out feeling delicate and full of emotion. It was mixed; pride, relief, sadness that I had personal experience to draw on... but for the first time, it wasn't overwhelming, it was manageable. I know that in future scenarios, even if I don't have my wonderful counsellor there, I can still access the helpline and I there are still ways of getting support and caring for myself.

But I've seen the sort of event that I can facilitate with help (fellow leader - and Senior Section member - Nicole was fantastic!), how much the girls can learn and get out of it whilst giving back. I've seen the power that my story has, and the real impact this work can do.

And so, whilst I'm exhausted, both physically and emotionally, I am incredibly excited and inspired for a wonderful future.

Photographs Part III

So these are the pictures I was trying to find and post last night (before getting distracted by the sad things). I was going to just spam Twitter with them, but figured I'd link to here instead. So here are the photos in a chronological(ish) order with captions.

This is me aged seven on the day I was enrolled as a Brownie. The lady in the picture is NOT my Brown Owl, but my Godmother, who was ACC in Buckinghamshire (I think... though might be the wrong county or wrong dates) at the time. She caused quite the ruckus by wanting to come to and receive my Promise, as Brown Owl felt thoroughly undermined by it all (my Godmother used to Guide here, but the two of them never saw eye to eye!) but my Godmother ended up there, after all!

Tracy in sporting shocker! This was a Brownie sports day at a local school. And, unlike in Finland last year, I wasn't five miles behind everyone else!

I've made this one a little bit bigger so you can actually spot me! This was my first St. George's Day Parade in the area. We still do the same route now, many years later - except I'm the Tawny Owl at the front now! Back then, this was a brand new bit of road, and we were excited to be walking down it, as it meant it was a new route! If you haven't spotted me yet, I'm the one next to the girl in the red coat. No idea why she was in red - as you can see, we had pack cagoules!

Moving on a couple of years and my Godmother made it up for my Guide enrollment, with a slightly bigger Tracy! Same building, but new curtains. My sister made her Promise as a Brownie, the same night I renewed it as a Guide, so obligatory group shot with Leaders, sister and Godmother below.

This is my first Guide camp. We went to a place called Trent Lock, which isn't far from where we live (and I'm considering taking my Senior Section members there when I get round to doing my camp license). I wonder sometimes how they managed it - a coach seems like such a luxury for such a small distance. I also had to use a stuff sack, as my bedding rolls were notoriously awful!

Sometimes, I really hate my father for his ability to get ridiculous photos of me! He had four of my first St. George's Day Parade as a Guide, and my culottes seem to be riding up in ALL of them. I'm also suddenly aware that I'm the only one in this picture in knee high white socks! Awkward!

This was just as my sister started Guides, but she hadn't got her uniform yet. It was our first camp together and she was put in my tent! I could have KILLED our Leader!

 Gang Show! This is what I lived for in Guiding. My happiest moments as a child were amongst my Gang Show family, and I stayed in touch with the other three Guides in this picture for several years after. In fact, I recently met up with several people from this photograph and nothing much has changed - we still get on brilliantly!

My church ran a special uniformed music group for Guides, Scouts, Boys Brigade and Girls Brigade to play in at family services. I played both clarinet and saxophone in it. When my grandma came down one mothering Sunday, she wanted a photograph with both of us in Guide uniform with my instruments. My sister felt left out, so we gave her the clarinet. This is the version from the "family album", but I have the reject upstairs in my personal album where I'm laughing away. It's one of my favourite pictures.

This is me and Ruth at a Senior Section weekend at our local campsite. Not sure who the evil looking child behind us was!

This was my team at the Senior Section weekend. As you can see, Ruth and I all snuggly again. I'm surprised I wasn't instructed to put her down and leave her alone!

This is me, almost 18, at another weekend away at Elton. I had helped build the swing and was happily photographing everyone else playing on it, but was terrified myself! Another one of my favourite Guiding memories (although in AWFUL clothing!) and favourite photos.

This last picture I don't remember at all. I'm not sure where it was, what I was doing, how old I was (though I assume nearly 18 from clothing - I had just outgrown my Young Leader uniform when I got that top) or anything. All I know is that I looked rather evil with red eyes and face mask!

Religion, Class & Nationality

“The sort of families who are involved in Guiding and have the money to do it are Christian anyway, and those families with no money and on benefits don’t give a shit about Guiding anyway!”

“We need to stop pandering to people with other religions, they need to show respect for our religion and culture. They need to learn to live here, or go back home. And Guiding is such an English thing, why would they be interested anyway?”

These are the views of my Unit Leader, who is well known in our area for her strong opinions and rather blunt phrasing. Most of us have learnt just to shrug our shoulders and let her get on with it, but I’ve noticed that this is actually a more common attitude amongst Leaders than I originally thought.

You see, it all seems to centre on the idea that religion is based upon class and nationality. It isn’t.

M tried to argue that only the well off can afford to give up their Sunday for church, and do so for social status rather than a love of God. This may happen in some areas, but I would argue that this is not the core group of Christians. In all the churches I have been part of, the congregations have been full of vibrant, enthusiastic individuals searching for fellowship and support in their journey with God.

God has never been picky about wealth. After all, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God (something so important and fundamental to teaching that it is reported in the gospel according to Luke, Matthew and Mark. Three times!). Those with wealth are often too focused on their Earthly goods, and not on the riches of heaven (and so are many of us less rich people too, I must admit!). And is Christianity really about attendance at church, or is it about leading life as a follower of Christ, with your Lord at the centre?

Are all atheists living in abject poverty, as M suggested? I doubt Richard Dawkins is that badly off, though my lovely teacher friend would probably agree that she could do with a little more money! And what about those who follow Islam, Hinduism, Sikhism, Buddhism or Judaism?

Spiritual belief is a personal journey. Some religions, due to the values that they practice and develop, will lead their followers to certain jobs or to do those jobs in certain ways. Those that think outside the self are more inclined to vocational work, for example. But vocational professions are not necessarily well paid, nor badly paid – it depends entirely on which is being discussed.

An interesting survey in 2009 found that, in fact, the majority of theists came from “lower socio-economic grades” whereas the majority of atheists were from wealthier backgrounds. I am dubious to accept this without looking at the raw data, but find it interesting that the opposite of the national stereotype appears to be true.

As for nationality and religion being intrinsically linked, exposure to a religion in culture does affect one’s beliefs, but this is not the sole cause of spiritual belief, nor is it right to assume that all people of non-Christian belief come from other countries.

A survey by Faith Matters, for example, estimates that approximately 5000 people in Britain convert to Islam each year and the 2011 census records 1.2 million muslims born in the UK. The new British Sikh report shows that 50% of Sikhs in Britain consider themselves to be “British Sikhs” and a further 15.6% and 2% to be English and Scottish Sikhs respectively.

Interestingly, the religion that has had the biggest “boost” due to migration is Christianity, rather than any of the others, and the least “ethnically diverse” group was those who answered “no religion” in the census!

Of course, there is a third issue in M’s quote, which (knowing the demographic of those reading) probably doesn’t need addressing, but I will for the sake of clarity.

Girlguiding welcomes girls and young women from all backgrounds. Not just all religions, but regardless of financial circumstances. Despite what some Leaders will tell you, Guiding wear is not a requirement for membership and we would rather have girls in our units than put off by an expense. Despite what some Leaders will tell you, if there are difficult circumstances, we have access to grants both within the organisation and in the local community. Guiding is not about money, it’s about access to new experiences and opportunities and the development of the individual.

I’ve heard several Leaders threatening to quit and close their units whilst spouting this sort of hatred. As much as I would hate to see girls lose out as a result of this, and despise seeing units close, I think that the Leaders in question DO need to re-assess what Girlguiding is, what it means to them and whether they really are capable of delivering the sort of equality and development that has always been expected of them.

Promise For All: Real World Reactions

I love working with young people and both the challenges and rewards that it provides me. Wednesdays are exhausting for me, with a full day of teaching, then staff meetings, then I have Rangers. But I've never been so grateful for this contact as today, when I got the chance to hear what young people are really saying about our new Promise.

This morning, I pinned my Promise badge on the collar of my shirt. Usually, I don't even wear it for Thinking Day (unless in a school I know well), so it was an unusual occurrence. Most of the adults in my office didn't recognise the badge at all, though one or two asked about it.

It was coming back to the language base at break time that I had my first run-in with pupils who knew the trefoil and wanted to talk, and from that point onwards, I heard opinions and conversations throughout the school and at Rangers. There are so many little snippets and quotes and stories, that it doesn't make sense to try and put them into a piece, but I just wanted to keep all here as a record of some of the things being said.

"Oh look! Miss is a Guide!" one pupil spotted. "Have you all seen the news today about the Promise? They've finally changed the God bit and mum says I can join now if I want to!"

Another pupil was talking about her experience. "Mum and dad didn't like the fact I'd be singled out, replacing my God with Allah. This would mean I could make the same Promise as everyone else. We did think about Scouts at one point, but they want me in a single-sex environment."

"I didn't mind the word God, but I just said it because everyone else was. I guess this is a wording I can actually mean," another pupil said.

A teacher commented, "I really wanted to become a Leader, but the Promise always seemed too Christian, too loaded. I wasn't comfortable making it and I wasn't comfortable helping girls with it. The new one might work, but depends on training given to current Leaders. I'd definitely consider volunteering now."

"I hated the God bit as a kid," another teacher told the office. "It was like promising to obey the tooth fairy as far as I was concerned. This is a promise that really grows with the individual."

"I like the fact that Guides are in the news all the time," a boy told me. "They seem really cool and do far more exciting and important things than the Scouts. The only thing we see about Scouts is Kate... so what? You guys talk about feminism and beliefs and chucking food away at arenas. You're trying to make a difference and letting everyone know it!" (Not a Scout vs Guide debate - I'm a member of BOTH - but am recording the conversations and it shows the kudos owed to our press team!)

"I thought Guides was a bit old-fashioned, but I've seen them doing things recently and now this... maybe I should give it a go!" 

"I was once a Brownie and then a Guide," a thirteen year old girl told me. "But my Leaders kept telling me that I had to go to church parade, that I needed to be a Christian and that they would let me be in the unit because I wasn't old enough to make my own decisions, but they needed to show me about church and singing graces and things. Mum and Dad made me leave."

As soon as I got to Rangers, the girls ran to me to tell me the news. They were so excited, but hadn't heard the exact wording of the new Promise.

"I do love my God, though we have rocky patches. But this means that I'm part of the journey, and that my friends can follow theirs too. It's important that we're open to everyone," one of my Christian girls commented.

An atheist girl says, "It's about time, really. I've said the Promise because it's just words. But this means I can commit to Guiding and the things I believe in - respect, helping others, kindness - without having to put in what is, for me, complete nonsense."

"I'm so proud of Girlguiding," a younger girl enthused. "I honestly thought they'd ignore us and what we said, that it was just a bit of a PR stunt, that they'd be too afraid of upsetting the older generation. But they've actually listened."

"I'm so glad I was part of this!"

"Oh, wow! Those are all the best options! They've really thought about what matters to people!"

Every single thing I've heard in the real world today has been positive, exciting and enthusiastic. Online has been different, as was M's reaction last night, but I think looking at the real-world reactions of the young members that this affects is really important!

100 Years of Tradition

In all the various responses to Girlguiding’s new Promise, there is one question that has stuck out. One question that I truly believe needs to be answered now, by everyone who believes in the organisation and what we do. One question that is being whispered by people both within and outside Girlguiding, on various sites and media outlets.

How can you abandon 100 years of tradition?

Funnily enough, that wasn’t the one question I intended to write about, but it is the one that feels most prolific and important right now. It’s the one that’s burning inside me, that I am desperate to answer on Twitter but haven’t the expertise or eloquence to answer in 140 characters.

Tradition is a beautiful thing. It’s embracing the wonderful, varied and rich heritage that we have. Tradition comes in the form of the Promise, the laws, various activities that we do, but traditions do evolve and change over time. We look back  to our traditions, but we embrace what works for us as an organisation. Tradition is important, but so is relevance.

But is the wording of the Promise the tradition, or is the act of a Promise and the beliefs it represents the important tradition? Personally, I would say the latter, but I can understand the nostalgic value of past wording.

The truth of the matter, however, is that we are not abandoning 100 years of tradition, but rather making that tradition more explicit. For the last twenty years, Girlguiding has been desperately trying to explain that “love my God” means to develop your beliefs, whatever those beliefs may be. Now, we’re actually saying what we mean, rather than alluding to it through religiously-loaded language. This is not pandering to minorities, it’s not being overly-PC, it’s simply changing the wording to what they meant in the first place.

Of course, to some, the removal of God from the Promise makes us no different to any other youth group. I beg to differ. We still promise to explore our beliefs, we promise to serve our community and help other people. The essence of our Promise is still to look outside ourselves and find value in the world around us, and to give back. That is not the aim of most other youth groups. We still strive to develop our girls and young women give them leadership opportunities, let them speak out for their respective causes. That is also not the aim of most other youth groups.

We are not abandoning 100 years of tradition, we are preserving it.