10 Hours 45 Minutes

Ten hours and forty five minutes.

That’s ten hours and forty five minutes without sitting down, without leaning on a desk, without going for a toilet break, without lunch, without taking questions.

These are the lengths that some women – that ONE woman – will go to in order to protect the rights and the safety of their sisters. And those are extraordinary lengths (take it from a teacher who would love to be able to achieve those things on a daily basis!).

For those that have missed the many articles surrounding this case, a senator in Texas, Wendy Davis, intended to speak for 13 hours. This was because the state authorities had a deadline of midnight to pass a bill that put extremely prohibitive laws on abortion. By speaking for 13 hours, Wendy Davis would have made them miss the deadline, ensuring that the predominantly right-wing house couldn't vote to enforce the new laws.

She fell a little short of this 13 hour goal, mainly because the republican opposition managed to file enough complaints against her, a few of which were upheld. But one woman (Senator Leticia Van de Putte) followed with the statement, “Did the President hear me or did the President hear me and refuse to recognise me? At what point must a female senator raise her hand or her voice to be recognised over her male colleagues in the room?” This, naturally, caused a reaction which ultimately led to the passing of the midnight deadline.

Whilst I’m not 100% in the “if you don’t like it, don’t get one” camp (I feel that issues such as abortion are far more complex than that), I don’t believe that blanket prohibitive laws are in the best interest of a nation or, in this case, state.

Legislation doesn’t prevent abortion. It forces women underground. If a woman is absolutely against having a baby, she will do whatever she can to get rid of the foetus, and that jeopardises her life in the process. Yes, it may “save” a few foetuses whose mothers are on the border, but at what cost to their emotional and mental wellbeing? And at what cost to the child? Are we so pro-birth that we abandon all morality when it comes to life? Can you really consider yourself pro-life if you are willing to sacrifice a child’s health and happiness? What sort of “life” is it that you are supporting?

My faith makes the topic of abortion a difficult ground to tread. I believe children are a blessing (despite my job – go figure!) and I believe that God has plans for each and every one of us. But I also think that preventative legislation and constant right-wing preaching will result in people resenting God rather than coming to Him through choice or love.

Back in 2005, I discovered that I was pregnant. I didn’t know (and I will never be 100% certain) whether that pregnancy was a result of my rape or my fiancé. The likelihood is that it was the former, considering precautions. When I discovered this, I had a huge decision to make. I was a student at the time, and in no real position to raise a child. How would I feed her (I later discovered she was a girl), how would I clothe her, and what support options did I have in terms of childcare?

That was just the practical side. How would I cope looking at that little girl every day of my life, knowing where she came from? This is regardless of who her father was – because ANY sort of physical intimacy or memory was incredibly painful. And that was if I even had a life with which to reflect on it. I was born with kidney scarring which leads to high blood pressure with potentially life-threatening consequences during pregnancy. I was advised as a teenager never to have children.

Despite my beliefs that I was pregnant for a reason, I had to think of the potential future for both myself and the girl. I went to the relevant specialist to try and make an appointment and my heart was heavy.

I didn't have an abortion in the end. I went and had to make my way through the waiting “respectful prayer group”. I felt ashamed and embarrassed. What right had this group to pass judgement on my situation and my decision? Had any of them experienced what was going through? Once I made it inside, I was told (though I think it must have been lost in translation somewhere) that there was an eleven month waiting list. After that, I didn't have the heart or the confidence to find somewhere else or through with it.

I don’t believe that abortion is as black and white as some would have us believe. Yes, some will regret the choice to abort, but what we need to ensure is the appropriate support services so that women can access the information they need. This may be available in the UK, but it was the German system that I encountered personally. It is essential that we consider both the physical and psychological well-being of all involved, at all points.

So how do I reconcile my belief in God with my belief in women’s choice? Very simply through prayer and compassion. God is love and we need to show that for our sisters. And that includes in not shaming them outside centres and surgeries. Even with the most well-intentioned prayer groups, we need to consider the emotional impact that it will have and where our actions lead. It is not a case of denying my God or of being “overly-PC” (as I have heard many faith issues described in the past weeks), but rather of understanding my calling as one of gentleness and respect, and ministry through example and kindness.

Whilst on the subject of God, faith and family planning, I just want to drop in a comment / story that both horrified and amused me this week. I heard Julie Bentley described as “not only anti-God, but an agent of Satan, as proven by her family planning work”. Far from it proving an allegiance to Satan, or even being anti-God, surely the compassion and dedication that Julie shows in her various causes and charities shows a commitment to a moral framework and the ideal of thinking outside the self, regardless of her religious beliefs!

But in the story of Wendy Davis and her colleagues, I feel it important to note that it wasn't necessarily the cause itself that grabbed my attention, nor the fact that (yet again) women had to fight against men about legislation that affects them. What really grabbed my attention was the fight, the commitment, what women can and will do for a cause they are passionate about.

I like to think that I am strong-willed and prepared to fight. But, realistically, how far am I willing to push any given issue? The reality is that I won’t push very far. My work always seems to come first, and I have to be careful not to do anything that risks me getting arrested or put in a position of shaming the school that I work for (leading to dismissal).

Would I speak for almost eleven hours to stop a bill going through? Only if I could realistically assure myself that I wouldn't be forcibly removed or arrested. Would I risk going onto a racecourse to hang a scarf like Emily Wilding Davison did? Probably not. I would be far too worried about injury to myself, to the horse and to the rider.

As time goes on, I feel that I am pushing further into territory in which I do feel uncomfortable. I’m starting to speak out using personal examples, I’m going to be speaking at an event in London this summer and I am working with the Nottingham Feminist Network on events in the city. Maybe one day, I will have the strength to show the sort of courage that these female senators in Texas showed today.

Passion transforms people. It gives them hope, strength, motivation. It fills them with emotions that can be harnessed to transform the lives of other people, to create a wave. In the face of a strong patriarchal resistance, these women didn’t let it wash over them, but inspired each other to fight and stand up for the rights of others. I only hope it inspires more women to do the same.

100 Years of Tradition

In all the various responses to Girlguiding’s new Promise, there is one question that has stuck out. One question that I truly believe needs to be answered now, by everyone who believes in the organisation and what we do. One question that is being whispered by people both within and outside Girlguiding, on various sites and media outlets.

How can you abandon 100 years of tradition?

Funnily enough, that wasn’t the one question I intended to write about, but it is the one that feels most prolific and important right now. It’s the one that’s burning inside me, that I am desperate to answer on Twitter but haven’t the expertise or eloquence to answer in 140 characters.

Tradition is a beautiful thing. It’s embracing the wonderful, varied and rich heritage that we have. Tradition comes in the form of the Promise, the laws, various activities that we do, but traditions do evolve and change over time. We look back  to our traditions, but we embrace what works for us as an organisation. Tradition is important, but so is relevance.

But is the wording of the Promise the tradition, or is the act of a Promise and the beliefs it represents the important tradition? Personally, I would say the latter, but I can understand the nostalgic value of past wording.

The truth of the matter, however, is that we are not abandoning 100 years of tradition, but rather making that tradition more explicit. For the last twenty years, Girlguiding has been desperately trying to explain that “love my God” means to develop your beliefs, whatever those beliefs may be. Now, we’re actually saying what we mean, rather than alluding to it through religiously-loaded language. This is not pandering to minorities, it’s not being overly-PC, it’s simply changing the wording to what they meant in the first place.

Of course, to some, the removal of God from the Promise makes us no different to any other youth group. I beg to differ. We still promise to explore our beliefs, we promise to serve our community and help other people. The essence of our Promise is still to look outside ourselves and find value in the world around us, and to give back. That is not the aim of most other youth groups. We still strive to develop our girls and young women give them leadership opportunities, let them speak out for their respective causes. That is also not the aim of most other youth groups.

We are not abandoning 100 years of tradition, we are preserving it.

My Beliefs, my God, my Promise

I am proud to be a member of Girlguiding. I start a lot of blog posts that way, but it doesn’t make it any less true. I am proud to be a member of a worldwide family that is committed to the betterment of self and society, a family that shares common values and beliefs whilst embracing and celebrating its differences. I am proud to be part of a member organisation of WAGGGS that offers opportunities for young people as participants up to the age of 26, puts them in the driving seat and champions their voice. I am proud to be a member of an organisation that puts its members first and adapts to their needs whilst retaining its core principles.

But today, my pride is wavering...

Growing up, I was forced to go to church. I didn’t know what I believed in, whether I really believed in God or whether He was just another mythical figure like Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. Like many little girls, I made my Promise as a Brownie because that’s what you did as a Brownie... plus my Brown Owl never gave me much of a choice!

By the time I became a Guide, it was no longer “duty to God” but “love my God”, a concept that I found much more difficult to cope with. For me, a duty was easy; it involved polishing the brass in church, turning up at parade and saying grace on pack holiday. To love God was more personal, and a relationship that I didn’t understand with an entity I was only starting to believe as real.

As a member of Senior Section, I was more comfortable with who my God was, but still didn’t understand the concept of loving Him. I made the Promise in the spirit of commitment; I would try to love my God as best as I could, but I never knew if my beliefs were really my own or what had been forced on me as a child.

It was when I went to university and the things that followed that really changed the dynamic of my relationship with God, my beliefs and my spiritual journey. It was only when I made my Promise as a Leader that I truly meant what I was saying and understood it fully in how it related to me.

Maybe this all says more about how Leaders are discussing the Promise with their girls than the wording of the Promise itself. I mean, if I had understood that “to love my God” was equivalent to exploring spiritual beliefs then perhaps it would have been easier. Or maybe it would have made me bristle about the wording.

As an adult, I love the fact that I have friends from all sorts of backgrounds. From Guides and Scouts in France, Finland, Hong Kong and even Australia, to people from different religious backgrounds. But what upset me was when I found that friends of mine who were excellent Leaders, in areas that were short of volunteers, were told they either had to lie or leave, because there was no place in Girlguiding for atheist leaders.

It had always made me wonder. As a teacher, my own religious beliefs don’t matter when I teach RE, nor my sexual orientation matter when teaching about sex and healthy relationships. As long as I make a commitment to talk about these issues and explore them in an appropriate way that helps the young people achieve their full potential, and I provide balanced reasoning and evidence, my own beliefs are not part of that. So how is Guiding different?

Today it was confirmed that it’s not. Today, Girlguiding officially announced the rewording of the Promise. Instead of the connotation of “my God” as exploration of personal beliefs, it is explicitly stated in the new wording. Seven year old me wouldn’t have to blindly make a Promise she didn’t understand, but make one that accepts her lack of knowledge.

This new Promise is relevant to both the girls and leaders of today. It encompasses all the core values of the World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts, and allows us to share a truly common standard with our sisters in Guiding, as alterations to the text are no longer necessary.

I have been completely and utterly shocked by some of the reactions to this news today. I am aware that change isn’t easy, and that this rewording seems (to some people) to completely change the Promise that people have made for generations. Despite the ten previous amendments to the Promise, this somehow seems the most drastic.

To see criticism and mindless comments from the general public, though upsetting, is understandable in many ways. And with some media outlets, we are never going to win. But when the vitriol comes from within (and I mean the hateful, insular comments, not just disagreement and disappointment), I start to wonder what has happened.

Speaking as a Christian, I wonder where this hatred comes from. The new Promise speaks of journeys and development, of the ever-growing and changing relationship that I (and my brothers and sisters) should have with Christ and with my father God. It is a perfect fit for what we learn as followers. And it encourages those of other faiths, those who are undecided and those who have none to explore and discover, a commitment that could potentially sow the seeds for the Holy Spirit to grow. Should we not encourage this? After all, we are told throughout the Bible that the joy of love is free will and our choice to love / worship. If adherence to God’s will and “love” for Him is prescribed without choice, discovery and growth, does it mean anything?

I also wonder how saying that those of other faiths and cultures don’t belong in Britain, that people should just go away, that there is no place for atheists in society would sit with Jesus and the apostles. I distinctly remember the story of the good Samaritan, the gospel of Matthew telling us to shine our light for all to see (and to lead our lives by way of example) and the passage of 1 Peter 3 that reminds us always to speak with kindness in our hearts, particularly when discussing matters of faith. It seems that in anger, this calling to love and kindness has been forgotten.

I know that I am not perfect, but I also want people to be aware that this vocal group are by no means representative of all Christians in Guiding. Debate is healthy and a wonderful thing, but it is also important to retain perspective and remember that we are talking about human beings with feelings!

You see, my pride in Girlguiding is not wavering as a result of the change, but as a result of people’s attitudes and reactionary statements to it. Because Girlguiding is not (and never has been) just a brand or a group of people in a pretty London building, but a family of thousands. My pride in Girlguiding is wavering because my pride in its members is wavering. Not all of them, not by a long shot, but just enough to shake my belief.